The Skydiving Lesson

A skydiving instructor was teaching a skydiving course trying to get students ready to learn the basics of skydiving. After he was finished with his lecture one day, he took a few minutes at the end of the class to answer any questions, as he always did. Calling on a young man who had his hand in the air, the young man asked, “If after our jump, our chute doesn’t open, and our reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”

The instructor didn’t miss a beat and looking at the young man with a dead-pan expression, he said, “The rest of your life.”

Blindly Skydiving

A blind man was describing to a bunch of skydiving students one students how his very favourite sport was skydiving and how alive it made him feel. The students were clearly perplexed how someone with such a disability could even attempt a sport as daring as skydiving when one false move could really end his life. Completely impressed, one student asked him how he made his dives. 

‘Well, I do have everything done pretty much for me,’ the blind man explained. They position me in the door and tell me when it’s the right time to jump. Before that, they place my hand on my ripcord so that I will have it even before I go. Then I’m off to enjoy my jump!’

Still in awe, another student asked, ‘But how do you know when you’re about to land?’

The blind man smiled softly. ‘What I get in return for my loss of sight is a keen sense of smell and hearing. This lets me hear when things are getting closer and I can smell the top of the trees before I get to them.’

‘But how do you know when to lift your legs for your final landing position?’ the student pressed on.

To this the blind man replied, ‘Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.’

The First Jump

A very anxious man is excited to go skydiving for his very first time. He stands shifting his weight from foot to foot while listening to his instructor give him a few last-minute instructions. Once the instructor gives him the okay, he jumps out of the plane. After falling for about 5 seconds, he pulls his ripcord only to find that nothing happens. Panicking just a little bit, the man remembers what his instructor told him about his reserve chute and he pulls on that cord. Again, nothing happens. He starts frantically yanking on both cords but he only continues to fall. Looking down, he sees that there is also another man in the air but oddly, this man is going up! The man going up starts coming up beside him and the skydiver yells, “Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?”

The man going up looks at him and yells back, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”